oh to forget….


A pill that can make painful memories go away, erase them as if they never happened. Would you take it??

To never have to deal with the past images, or memories. Never to hear a loud bang and jump and be instantly transported back to my 11 year old self. Never to feel the dread of abandonment or rejection. To never feel the sense of never being enough. To have the slat wiped clean. To never have to dwell on past hurts.


Surely the obvious answer would be how soon can I take one? But they don’t stop future hurts, and without past experiences of pain wouldn’t we all get hurt all the more. Nothing from the past to show us to guide us in the future. And wouldn’t it change who we are? Because it is mostly the painful memories that shape us, change us. Make us more guarded aware of all experiences. And why is it that the painful memories are the ones we dwell on, but I suppose that is a question for another day. Or would it help us take risks and opportunities we would have previously turned down.


Socrates and his Cave

I just watched a movie called Last Chance Harvey, with Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson. I had a feeling throughout most of the start of the movie that kind of on edge feeling mentally preparing myself to cringe for the characters. At first I was thinking that it must be because I didn’t like the movie but as I came to realise it was more the fact I recognised myself in the characters that was making me uncomfortable. I know that horrible awkward feeling of not fitting in not knowing what to say. And the inconceivable deep spiralling hole that is loneliness. After I watched that special features The Making of etc. and Emma Thompson said she was tired of watching beautiful 20somethings falling in love and then the director said adlibbing that 20somethings don’t know what it is to fall in love. This again struck a chord with me; I more than sometimes wish I could be like the rest of the 20somethings out there. They seem so easy going, care free, now I sure they all have their own problems but it seems like they can fit in. Socrates said we all are in a dream world, that in actual fact we are all just sitting in a dark cave with a light shining behind us projecting ‘pictures’ of our life up on the wall and this is how we actually live. Socrates said some of the people wake up and get out of the cave and actually see what real life is. This I believe has happened to me I have woken up and I know the life projected on the screen is not real or mine but I can’t seem to get out of the cave. So I’m now stuck I know there is something more but I can’t grasp it and I know the life I’m living is not right either. 

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